Many of us as parents and caregivers are yellers.  We know we shouldn’t yell but we do it anyway.  We feel bad about it.  We try to stop.  It isn’t easy to stop yelling if you’re a yeller. 

This is what I did instead of yelling.

I created characters with different accents.  I can do accents and different voices really well so that helps.  My first go-to character is Dolly.  Dolly is a lovely English lady.  She’s kind, calm and very nurturing.  When things start heating up, I let Dolly take over.

Dolly:  Hello, dear.

Girly:  Hi Dolly.

Dolly:  What’s wrong?

Girly:  Emmy is doing X, Y or Z.

Dolly proceeds to listen and offer support.  Dolly never gets upset with Girly, she’s very even keeled and never raises her voice.  She always looks for the calmest solution.  Sometimes I morph between the two and have a conversation with Dolly as she mediates. 

I have several other characters.

Linda is a boisterous, loud New Yorker who is very supportive of Girly.  (Think Linda from Bob’s Burgers, that’s where I got the character from).  She’s over the top with her expressions.  She’s very funny.  She’s loud and very likeable.

Solla Selew Man is an elderly man from India that’s tough and wise.  He’s very matter of fact and says it like it is.  He’s not very nurturing but he will tell you the truth and expects compliance.  He never gets angry but he does get annoyed and irritated.

Donkey is a donkey puppet and he’s been a big part of our lives for many years.  He is an orphan.  He’s one of two children characters.  He has emotional and behavioral problems but is very protective of Girly and trusts her.  Girly often has to intervene with his behavior because he’s still learning to control himself.  (He’s come a very long way though). 

Lola is a little leopard stuffed animal.  She is younger than Donkey and very shy.  She has a very quiet, whispery voice.  She has issues where she snaps and attacks people when she feels threatened and has no memory of it.  She was also abandon like Donkey was and “discovered” in the road.  She is Donkey’s younger adopted sister.  Girly often has to nurture Lola because of her age.  Donkey had a big problem when Lola showed up but now he loves his adopted sister and totally sticks up for her.  Lola seeks comfort from Girly. 

Mickey.  Mickey Mouse.  This isn’t the nice one from the cartoon, this is the real one behind the curtain.  He is very narcissistic and swears a lot.  He’s belligerent.  He’s been successful for many years in show business and expects to be treated like the star he is.  He likes Girly and he will tear into me with no hesitation.  He expects full compliance or he will send his team of attorneys after me and he has on occasion threatened me with physical violence if I don’t pull myself together.  He’s totally in the wrong a whole lot of the time and Girly has to calm him down (or even stick up for me).

It’s pretty hard to stay angry when you’re swearing in a Mickey Mouse voice or pretending to argue with him.

Dolly is the best at mediation and she is the one I used the most.  She’s the best example of emotionally regulated adult behavior and when I’m in character, I actually feel like I’m getting a break. 

These characters were all developed over time.  I turned them into different people with different strengths and weaknesses.  I have no idea why pretending to be a nice English lady would totally make me feel like I was getting a legitimate break but, it did.  And Girly trusted those characters, she would totally listen to them. 

Dolly not only helped Girly, she helped me out of some pretty tight spots when I couldn’t shut my mouth. 

Maybe, Dolly can do it for you too.